When is Enough...Enough?

When is flirting too much  or just over the limit? How many more chances do you give a person? When do you finally say goodbye for the last time? And if you don't I guess that means you're comfortable with the way things are. I mean I guess someone people just hope that person is going to change. But how many more sorrys are you going to accept? How many more promises and swears are you going to hold on to for collateral? How many more lies are you going to let slip by? Yes, you love this person, but if they don't change their ways do they really love you? When is enough... enough? When is the last beating enough, or the next infidelity? How many more STD's will you contract from the person that claims they love you? How many other kids will he or she mother/father? When is the last tear? How much more pain and heart ache are you willing to endure? When is enough...enough?

My biggest battle

I haven't been on here for while, but it's definitely time for me to let some things out. I've been through  a rough week, lots of ups and downs, but who doesn't go through that. I guess I just keep trying to keep hope in my life. But I think the biggest thing that I have had to conquer over and over again is trust. And I guess trust means so much to me because my biggest fear is being hurt. And yes, most of us have been through that feeling time and time again, but it doesn't stop you from trying and it doesn't stop us from remembering what it felt like. And the last time I got hurt I made a promise to myself to tell the truth no matter what because I didn't want anyone else to go through what I went through and how much pain I felt. Truthfully, I wouldn't want anyone to go through that. But I guess what I have a hard time understanding is why do people lie and have secrets, and try to cover up every inch of their life, especially if they claim to love that person so much? And if you love more than one person the don't you owe both the truth? Truthfully a lot of people are selfish and are scared that they will lose out. It's not that they care about another person's feelings when they lie, it's because they don't know how they will cope with their own life if they get caught. And to some people it's worth it. But not me. I can't be in someone's life if I always have to wonder is this person telling the truth, or am I the only person, or is he or she going to get mad and walk out of my life if I tell them this information. I feel that for a long time the only thing I've ever wanted was to have my family, friends, and the love of my life and for all of us to be happy. Now of course everyone isn't going to be happy all the time, but at least I know that we can get through it and no one else will break into the picture to destroy what made us so great in the first place. I think a lot of people care about what everyone else thinks and what they think of them but why? They can't be your friends if they will judge you every step of the way or be mad at you for making your own decisions. Also, a lot of people take other people for granted and never really think deeply  about what if you lost those you loved for good? It doesn't have to be death, but so close to that feeling that you would contemplate if they were or not. Sometimes it's hard getting to the bottom of the truth, but in reality you've known the truth all this time. That feeling in the pit of your stomach or that feeling in your chest that pops up out of no where says something is wrong. And sometimes it's as close to the truth as you're going to get, and sometimes it's just enough for you to let go and say goodbye. Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Sometimes you're wrong, but if that person is not helping you get to the bottom of the truth or helping you trust them, then you have to do what you feel. It's never a one way street in life and nothing is ever just black and white.

Greatful to be alive

I realize that I can not complain about the things that I go through and how rough times can get sometimes. There are some people who only wish to be able to see another day or live to see their future of child's future. I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost someone close to me that I love dearly. I'm grateful to still have both my parents and all of my brothers and sisters, cousins, and my daughter, and her father, and all of my friends. I am truly blessed and I see that. Thank you God for keeping my family, friends and I on this earth, and thank you for keeping us healthy and safe. Too many people live on this earth just wasting their days away like they have forever to live, when they really don't. If you're going to do something then do it already. After all, no one is promised tomorrow. Is it worth hurting those around you, thinking you'll have time to make it up to them? Is it worth that argument? Is it worth that pain? I think we could all wise up a little bit, including myself, and think about what's really important. I'm just grateful to be alive.

A little bit of TLC

Ready to start the day

Nail Pampering (although I felt they should've been longer and more square)

I ♥ my design

Brows don't look too bad

Sometimes you just have to get out and spend a little bit of extra time on yourself and those who matter the most to you and are a very important to your life. Today I spent some more quality with my daughter and treated myself to a manicure and eye wax. I have one more day before school starts up again and the pressure and hard work hits me, so why not pamper myself while I have the chance. The twin didn't get her nails done. She had more fun running around the salon causing chaos. I also treated myself to Mannas, which was actually really good today. Overall I had a pretty decent day. I had some unfinished thoughts lingering in  my mind still but sometimes you really have to give yourself a break from all the thinking and decisions and just do what makes you happy. You regret more when you don't do anything at all.

Bummy Sunday

Didn't do much today. The twin was sick all day so I tended to her and spent the rest of the day watching the Eagles game and thinking about all the new obstacles that are coming my way and great opportunities that I have been blessed with. School starts back up in a couple days. Can't wait to start.... (not a surprise) I just get so bored when I am not actively doing something. I'm a little scared for what may come though, but I guess that's what makes me human. I have so much running around to do tomorrow, just can't wait to get started. Maybe I should force myself to go to sleep. Ugh so much on my mind though. Had an argument with someone today. I was just so angry because it took all this destruction for him to finally see what he has become and what he has done, and it has affected me in so many ways, one can only imagine, and I'm still not sure he totally gets it. And I think that's what makes me maddest of all. I can't stand when someone apologizes or claims to have made a mistake, yet they keep repeating the same act over again. How can you really go on to forgive or regain trust if you're not even sure the worst is finally over? But maybe this is also part of the whole love acceptance I was talking about. I really just want to be happy and respected and feel like everything that I am arguing about or fighting for is worth it.. Ugh that's another topic.. thoughts aren't all together so I am not going to start rambling. Going to enjoy the rest of this bummy Sunday and start the week of right on Monday.

Acceptance ♥

I've gone around and around again about this whole love thing, and I think I'm just going to accept what love has been in my life. Hasn't always been kind, or the fairy tale I've always dreamed of, but somehow it all works and I crave it and it makes me happy for a little while.. The happiness never lasts but I think that's the whole point of it all, because I guess if you have too much of one thing for a long time it gets boring or maybe taken for granted. But if I'm wrong, (although how do you ever really know that?), but if I am then I need to find a different perspective of ♥

2011: Road to Change ♥

So much happened in 2010. I found heartbreak all over again, felt the true betrayal and lost myself in the process, and so much more. My life was slowly heading downhill and then I just hit the bottom of the bottom. I did things that I never thought I do, and went places I never thought I would go, but I guess it was all meant to be and it was definitely a learning experience. I'm just glad it's all done and over with and I feel I have a better start now for 2011. I think this is my year to do extraordinary things and meet amazing people. I have high hopes for myself and my family and I'm going into this year praying for the best ✞